JosetteWiggins's Xanga

AAARRRGGHHHH

Mon, 04 May 2009 04:37:59 GMT

I am spiraling out of control. Things are no better or worse than they have ever been, but for some reason I always seem to screw them around in my mind. I got a full time job, but i am still not happy. All I want to do is "dance my pain away." But I can't. I miss the carefree nature of the Dominican people, especially since it is gettting warmer out. My PCDR group 517 -01 is back, but most of them are all buddied up so they can relate to each other, whilst I had to wait half a year before people could understand my angst at being forced back into the reality of the U.S.A. All I want to do is walk to the disco down the street and play dominoes and drink beer without being judged as being lazy. I can't get myself together still. Just when I feel like things are looking up I sink down again. Why does this country make me feel like this. I can't get away no matter where I go. Why am I forced to write my feelings on a stupid blog in order to make myself heard, but still ignored. People don't pay attention. If people put more effort into their friends and family instead of their "significant others" they would probably feel more at ease. No matter how many friends you rack up on myspace and facebook they won't truly matter. Nobody cares. Everyone is selfish. Does it sound like I am cracking up yet? Well I am. Every night. I think about how lost and hopeless everything is. If anything I hope in the end this recession makes people rely more on themselves and community rather than money because that is what really matters. I can't stand it. AAARRRRGGGHHHH
I think that expression of angst pretty much sums it up.

Dumps

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:23:36 GMT

Things haven't really progressed at all. It's winter. Depression runs rampant. Still no jobs, not even an interview. I don't really consider being a front desk attendant at a hotel a job. Did I waste 4 years of my life and thousands of dollars going to college? You better believe it! My positivity wasn't ever really on the up and up, but it has truly dropped significantly. People are getting laid off around me, others are in fear of it. The U.S. stinks right now and so do I. Peace Corps and Dominican Republic are slowly being purged from my mind in order to keep my sanity. Every time Omega comes on my mp3 I feel like crying. I'm just one messed up person. I swear if I didn't have these loans holding me back I'd be off on my next crazy adventure somewhere. Why did I want to settle down again? Sheesh. I don't think I'm ever going to get myself together. At least I'll be starting some classes in February to break the monotony of the days. Here's hoping.

Leftovers

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:43:23 GMT

This photo is a pretty good representation of my PC experience. I could give a bunch of descriptions of my facial expression, but I'd say it boils down to confusion, disgust and a little bit of anxiety tossed in as well. There may be a bit of amusement in there too.

Here is an interesting article I came across before Obama was elected:

Some protestors handed me this while I was walking along in Washington DC. I wanted so bad to tell them that I had been working for a bird watching tourism agency just to start a ruckus, but I managed to get out of there before exploding with laughter. I hope you can read it.

For Colleen

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 03:10:31 GMT

Fall colors have come and gone. All the trees are sickly looking. It depresses me. It has snowed a few times, but not long enough to cause a panic. I hope I get to play in the snow at least one good time this winter. It's been so long. Here are some pics of the leaves for those of you that don't get to see the changes in the dirty south. Enjoy.

Reality TV

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:40:10 GMT

After a year and a half without any TV at all, save a few hours here and there when I got to a building with a generator and cable, I have become more infatuated with TV, namely reality TV. As a child I always chose romping outside over sitting on the couch and "vegging out." Most of the programs I watched were fairly odd and most people probably wouldn't have a great recollection of them, but some of the more notable programs would be the Grimms Brothers Golden Classics on Nickelodeon, along with the "Lil Bits," "David the Gnome," and then as I got older I turned to "Ren and Stimpy," "Rugrats," "Doug," and every Saturday made time for Snick, which included "Are you Afraid of the Dark" and "All That." As a teen the only show I ever watched religiously was 90210 and that was it. I only recently got into TV again after college, becoming fascinated with "The Girls Next Door." There must be something about the glamor and glitz of it all that peaks my interest. Before I tried that Gotti show, but they were too rude for me to enjoy it.

The last statement leads me into the whole point of this blog. Over the years I've seen TV grow cruder and ruder and more distasteful all for the sake of attracting viewers. But at what cost are we shelving good quality programs for trash. Adults are spending less time at home, leaving kids and teens to control the TV at their discretion. When I was a kid I remember the exact moment I found out that TV wasn't real. I think I was 7 or 8. My parents monitored my TV watching faithfully so I was saved from Freddy Kruger and sexually stimulating programs. As I got older they got more lenient. One time I was watching a black and white western with my Mom and somebody had gotten shot. The person didn't just pop back up and dance merrily as they would have in a cartoon so I questioned my Mom as to what the problem was. After a few more questions she realized that I thought the things that happened on television were real and corrected my misinterpretation. Nowadays I have to wonder what is going through kids heads that have no TV supervision and are seeing people have insatiable bouts of sex, practice drugs, shoot each other, and curse each other out routinely. Living in Baltimore among a population of youth with a serious decline in education leads me to come to the conclusion that not only is it a lack of parental guidance, but the things we watch on TV that are leading to a depression in awareness of what is real and what isn't. I hear people cursing in public as if they have no control of what comes out of their mouths, dressing like rappers and hip hop artists even though it is beyond their means and it drives me insane. Then I go home and see "I Love New York" cursing and demeaning people simply because it drives up ratings and I roll my eyes. I can feel my attitude become darker when I watch people act nasty toward others on shows such as MTV's "Next" or "Everybody loves Raymond." I smile when I see people interacting appreciatively towards each other. Whether you realize it or not TV is more than just entertaining; it's influencing--on everyone.

Right now I am hooked on "John and Kate plus 8," about a couple who had twins and then sextuplets and strive to maintain a healthy family and lifestyle. It makes me smile when I watch it because it gives me hope that there are still families out there raising their kids to lead purposeful, polite, and rational lives. I'm also hooked on "Keeping up with the Kardashians," again probably because it is flashy and exciting, but they are also a fairly crude family. Then again I'm at an age where I can discern between the "real" in reality tv and the "fake" provided by the directors and writers that cloud a younger population's observation. Here's hoping you make positive choices in the television programs you watch.

Readjustment

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 05:31:02 GMT

Another volunteer friend used to describe the adjustment from leaving the Unites States to go to the Dominican Republic akin to "being ripped from the womb." I now find it quite the other way around. With the economy crashing, gas stations running out of supply, and a lack of care free, bachata dancing Spanish speaking people to drink rum and coke with I find myself slowly losing my appreciation for all that is the U.S. Although I cried and complained while being in the DR I still loved the life. Even though I ran out of pesos mid month, choked down sardine sandwiches at least three times a week, attained numerous life long battle scars (thank goodness that doesn't include a muffler burn), and cried myself to sleep a number of times from the feeling of hopelessness, it still doesn't deter me from longing to return to the endless fun in the sun culture that encompasses the island. My reasons for staying or going were absolutely equal. Everyone I presented my reasons to said the same, so the decision to stay in the U.S. brought no repercussions on my part. The only trouble is I still want to go back. I can't sleep at night from the tons of crazy schemes my brain is coming up with to get me back to that mountain range out in the south western province of the island. I know I'm not ready to go back at this point, but that doesn't stop me from sending remesas to get that nice vacation home built for when I'm ready. Yea it's that bad. At least I know that when I do return it will be on MY OWN terms. To the other volunteers from my group who have 7 months left; good luck. I'll see you when you get back. Some advice: Make sure you have a job or a grad school waiting because counting down the number of days until your health insurance runs out can also cause you to lose a lot of sleep at night.

Hardest decision of my life (to date)

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:36:00 GMT

After a great internal struggle I have decided to finish my Peace Corps service and not return to the Dominican Republic. This has been the hardest decision I have ever had to make. The Peace Corps was my dream, but I was beginning to wake up to a nightmare. Even though I was medically cleared to return I felt it was in my best interest to remain here. I will still maintain contact with everyone and especially my community. I am still very dedicated to my projects and I hope to see them continue to develop without my presence. I will miss everyone terribly. I already do. I know one day I will return. Right now it's time to do what's right for myself. Remember cuidate mucho y coge lo suave. Good luck to everyone else. Keep up the good work.

Medevac-cation

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:48:47 GMT

I think I'm done with blogging. It was fun at first, but I'm getting tired of posting and most people I know well enough I talk to on a pretty regular basis. I may just be stressed out. I probably am just stressed. Some people cut their hair when they're stressed or eat ice cream. I just unsubscribe from all of my internet share sites.

Things are still up in the air. I have nothing substantial to report so far besides the fact that I'm having an awesome medevac-cation even though between bouts of insanely fun times I remember that I have an entire community of freinds waiting and depending on me to return. ???????????????????????????????????????????????

Unanticipated return

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 14:55:46 GMT

Well this stinks. I'm sitting in my room back in Baltimore right now. Stressing about whether or not I will be allowed to return to finish my service in Puerto Escondido. Last Saturday I was planning my trip to Celebrando Sur with some of my youth and playing volleyballand now I'm plastered to the couch drugged up watching MTV tres and Univision to keep up on my Spanish.

I found out I had to get flown to Washington DC for surgery they couldn't do in the country. It's not that serious. I will be fine, but there is a 45 day limit on how long I can be out of the country for medical issues. If my issue doesn't clear up in that amount of time or the medical board decides they don't want me to return to the country because of the issue I will not be going back. BOGUS! Even though I whined and complained through it all, it still drives me insane that I have been displaced unwillingly. I already had vacation planned until September anyway, so I will definitely be here for a good number of weeks.

I guess I better just eat as much food variety as possibly while here, take advantage of English cable, and plan out an alternate life just in case they decide I'm not able to return... under their authorization anyway. They can't ban me from the country. "I do what I want!" It's a full house in here anyway. I don't need to add to the chaos. There's 7 of us right now fighting for our right to use the bathroom and tv plus 2 cats and a dog getting caught up in the mix. aarrggghhhhh

New webpage

Sun, 13 Jul 2008 15:07:08 GMT

I am working on a website for the ecotourism project. This page pretty much sums it up. Please share it with as many people as you know. We really need more business in order to keep running. Hopefully we'll get a grant and be able to get our own webpage, but for now googlepages is going to have to work. Thanks for your continued support. Come visit!!

http://puertoescondido.tourism.googlepages.com/home